hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
