I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
