how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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