so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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