college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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