they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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