i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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