you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
