Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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