i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
