Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
