Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
