Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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