shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
