Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
