As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
