today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
