is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
