He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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