using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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