I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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