Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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