I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
