i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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