How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
