Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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