So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
