you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
