the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
