I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize