my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
