Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
