I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
