The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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