sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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