We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
