I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
