ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Nicole vs. Life
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
