I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
