I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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