I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
