Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
