Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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