I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
