Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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