My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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