I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
