the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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