She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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