oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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