end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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