I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
