They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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