So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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