I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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