I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize