i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
