to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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