remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
