ya dads aren't the best wingmen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
