I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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