we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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