The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
