marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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