Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
PANTIES FOUND
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