I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
