I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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