make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
