what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
