tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
