New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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