I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
