My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
