Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
