everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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