he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
