found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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