Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
