I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
