I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize