He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
