I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
