Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
