Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
