Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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