Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had to cum in my sink.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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