I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
