you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
