I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
