Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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