Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
