my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
