She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
