Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
