Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize