i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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