God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
