Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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